I am at Home with the Lord and He has all the keys.

Come to Me, all you who labor and are heavy-laden and overburdened, and I will cause you to rest. [I will ease and relieve and refresh your souls.] Matthew 11:28 Amplified
Take My yoke upon you and learn of Me, for I am gentle (meek) and humble (lowly) in heart, and you will find rest (relief and ease and refreshment and recreation and blessed quiet) for your souls. Matthew 11:29 Amplified

Have you been unsettled? Homeless? Between or betwixt? Just felt like you were supposed to be somewhere else? You know that place where rearranging the furniture just doesn’t do it. You feel that pull on your spirit that you need to move but you have no idea where. You wake up with that feeling like you are supposed to do something today but you can’t remember what it was. You are determined to wear a certain outfit but when you go to the closet you discover it is still in the laundry. You find something else to wear and head to the kitchen. An omelet would taste great but when you open the fridge there are no eggs. You get ready to head out the door and can’t find the car keys. You sigh and say out loud, “God am I supposed to leave the house today?”

For the last four and a half years, it has felt like my whole life as I knew it had been misplaced. I have asked God every day where I should look for it. I searched the Bible, spiritual books, health books, doctors offices, the internet, godly people’s advice, soaked in praise and worship CD’s, godly tv shows and more. It has been a severe battle. I have persevered and continue to search for “that faith that makes a tadpole slap a whale.” I’ve cried buckets of tears, screamed at the devil until I was hoarse, and prayed and begged God for the knowledge, wisdom and discernment for the situation for countless hours. I’ve done everything anyone suggested, everything I knew to do and still I did not see the way out. While lying in my bed, I have stood on the word, rested in Him, got angry at the devil, trusted God, read the word, sought His face, journalized, read out load healing scriptures and healing confessions, prayed and tried not to doubt that the promises for healing so clearly stated in the bible are indeed for me too. I’ve asked where I missed it and tried to figure it all out. I spent a lot of time trying to figure out just what God wants me to do. Who does he want me to talk to? What medical treatment? What should my diet consist of and what supplements does he want me to take? How much rest? What activity and how much? What should I read and what to pray? What should I do LORD? What should I do?

I always get the same answer--rest.

And He said to her, Daughter, your faith (your trust and confidence in Me, springing from faith in God) has restored you to health. Go in (into) peace and be continually healed and freed from your [distressing bodily] disease. Mark 5:34

In order to heal my body, He needs to first heal my soul. To do that, I need to give Him all the keys to my soul. Total surrendor (rest in Him) is required. I have always cringed at the thought of letting anyone ever have that kind of control over me again. But I am learning when the right one has control of my life, I am at peace and no longer in turmoil. He knows what is best for me and that is His only agenda. My LORD loves me and with an unending love. He knows the end from the beginning and the stuff in between. He knows all that I have been through and where I will come out. And He will definately work it all for His good for those that love Him. That includes me!

Lord, bless me so that I may be a blessing to others. I ask for a supernatural gift of faith to get me through this time of testing and the movement into the beauty of your rest. Heal my hurts and soul. You can pierce my heart to my soul and restore it all. I thank you Lord my healer. You are doing a marvelous work in me. Todah! I praise you for all you have done, are doing and going to do in my life. In Jesus' name. AMEN