In or Out?

After a restless night, I woke up at 4:00 am. I had a dream I was in a cesspool of sewer water. You know the green/brown smelly stuff that turns your stomach when you get within 10 feet of it. It was dark and I couldn't really see what I was in nor did I really want to know the extent of its magnitude. I felt so bogged down and unable to get out. Suddenly, the light started shining ever so faintly in the distance coming closer. As it reached the edge of the pool I reached up my arm. A strong, warm hand grabbed my arm and I latched on for dear life and pulled with every ounce of strength I could muster. Either I was coming out or that person was coming in.

I have had many days of physical stench. Days when the situation I described is exactly how I feel. I am sure you have had a cold or flu at some point in your life. Have you ever after that week of pain, exhaustion, so tired you can't stand, so tired you can't sleep, fever, nausea, difficulty breathing, etc. began to feel better and head back to whatever you would rather be doing in life too quickly and BAM you relapsed with every symptom intensified? Imagine that roller coaster going on for years. You have just climbed into my cesspool.

So often we "latch onto" someone when we are feeling "mucky". But who are you looking to for your strength? When a friend calls and asks, "How you are doing?", I have a choice. Do I recite the list of symptoms or not. Is it really going to change anything to vent?

I looked up vent. One meaning was to release air. Words from my mouth are air with volume. Some smell better than others. Some come from the deep recesses of my heart. That is a sobering thought. What condition is my heart in when the words are not lovely?

Philippians 4:8 NLT And now, dear brothers and sisters, one final thing. Fix your thoughts on what is true, and honorable, and right, and pure, and lovely, and admirable. Think about things that are excellent and worthy of praise.

Often when a sister or brother asks how I am doing I simply say, "Lovely." They know that Philippians 4:8 is what keeps me going a lot of times when I just want to vent but know that I am making a choice to rejoice in the day the Lord has made instead of swimming another lap in the cesspool.

As I write this I am listening to Days of Elijah by Paul Wilbur (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ra4HWj1jrJA). How can you listen to that and not feel hopeful? My life was so empty of hope before I met Jesus. I had this feeling like I had a big whole in my heart and try as hard as could with everything I could think of I just couldn't fill it. My life was total dissatisfaction, longing, seeking, always thinking the grass is greener elsewhere, things will be better when, if only __ that would solve my problems, maybe this doctor, that diet, that herb or supplement, where are the answers, how can I fix it? When did I see the turnaround? When I got the revelation--no matter how hard I try I can't fix a thing! But, Ah, Lord GOD ! You Yourself made the heavens and earth by Your great power and with Your outstretched arm. Nothing is too difficult for You! HCSB


I thank you LORD that with your outstretched arm you lift me out of my cesspool and set my feet upon your rock. You are always there to hear my prayers and answer when I call out to You. I thank you for your sacrifice on the cross--the shedding of your blood for my salvation and healing. I thank you that You are taking me through a process and that I will see the manifestation of the mighty work you are perfecting in me! I will live to declare the mighty wondrous works of the Lord that you have done for me! The One Who was, Who is and Who is to come! Hallelujah!!