Puzzled

The waters have been rough for over a week now. It is actually like being in quick sand. The more I move, the more difficult it is to breathe. When I find myself in the middle of the muck up to my nose, I find it helpful to remember testimonies of all the times He has reached down and pulled someone else up out of that mirey clay. Then, once again, I find the strength He placed within me rise up so that I can lift my arm up to Him and cry out--or at least my spirit does.

The Lord is good. Last week I had an appointment and my dear friend drove me there. I was lying in the the back of the van on the mattress propped up on pillows. I was wheezing. She began to talk about all the good things our Lord has done in our lives. She said He is so wonderful and His timing and ways are never what we think they should be. We always want it easy and instant. She told of her husband's example of this. One minute she was driving him to the hospital and expecting a third back surgery as the doctors said and then without the surgery he was qualifying for full duty again and passing the physical fitness test. This is something the doctors were calling a miracle. Of course it didn't happen overnight but in a few short months to the surprise of many people God healed him completely . She said one day I am driving my friend who can hardly breathe and the next I know you will be driving to come visit me. It is a prophecy I am clinging to with all my faith. He can do that for me just as He has done for countless others. He is no respecter of persons.

We were talking about the big puzzle of life. That's what I call it. I was thinking about how I always wanted to know what is going to happen but now it is not so much a driving force in my life. I have become more trusting and patient. If I only have a few pieces of the puzzle and no picture to go by it is much more difficult to put together the million piece puzzle of my life. God has the picture. He knows which pieces go where and at what time to place them there. If I was left to put it together myself, I may make some wrong choices or try to force some pieces together that weren't meant to be and mess it up. When you are missing just one piece, it can never be finished properly. I am glad I have the most important piece--Jesus--in place. It is right in the center and all the other pieces fit tightly to it and build around it. Trouble is I seem to want to put the outside edges together first. Those clean cut edges that define the boundaries are tempting and easier to put together--much easier for me to put together by myself. Why is it so easy to slip into that fleshy way of doing things? It is so much easier to hand the reigns over to the Lord and let him drive. Yet, I keep trying to grab the wheel. It is such a foolish thing to do when only He has the map and knows my destination and all the stops I should be making along the way. What if I miss one of those important stops? How much different will the puzzle be? More importantly, how will it effect the lives of others? I don't feel my purpose is to just get out of life all it has to offer me. I feel my purpose here is to positively effect the lives of others. So, I get puzzled about a lot of things. Mainly, how can I be used by God lying here in this bed? Amazingly, He has and continues to do so in ways I never would have imagined. I don't believe it is His will that I be sick but He has worked out this "mess" for His good. Puzzled? Evidently, I grabbed the wheel and jerked my ship off coarse. It's time to let Him have complete control. Only He can set it all straight.